I’m completely done with high-school. Nobody in James Hubert Blake High School with ever be responsible for educating me ever again. I will never be a part of MCPS ever again. I have completed 14 years of schooling in Montgomery County. I am done with grade school.
From now on, I can do absolutely anything. I can drop out of college, start a career, get married, move out and live by myself, move to another country. This is all very liberating, but extremely scary.
With this new wave of responsibility that is semi-adulthood I need to get some life plans and goals together. Adulthood, WHADDUP.
"I have a low self-esteem, but I try not to make it obvious. I'm horrible at reacting when people compliment me because I don't believe any of the nice things anyone says. I just, I can't see how someone can see the good things about me, when I can't even see them myself."
I saw this post getting reblogged around tumblr, and as cliche and “insecure, camera whore girl” it seems, I completely agree with it. Sometimes it blows me how self-conscious I am.
I really wish it wasn’t so hard to appreciate shit once you’ve had it for a long time. I always try really hard to remove myself from every situation and genuinely appreciate it for what it is. Maybe that’s just me and my over-analytical mind, but it makes me so much more happy - and a lot of the time so much more miserable, but otherwise it’s so easy for me to forget what’s really happening.
Every moment is one in a million, ever person you meet is an amazing coincidence, every second is a moment for greatness. Epic shit is happening every fucking second.
I really don’t know why, but I’ve been floating on some mental-plane of greatness these last few days. A friend of mine, Lynn, told me about her dad’s profession that makes ass loads of money, and since she told me she’d get her dad to put me on with it, and that she thought I’d be good at doing it and love it I’ve been so excited to grow up and establish my life’s work.
I’ve been saying this to Somala a lot, but since we all get ONE life, why not make that shit as ridiculously epic as possible. There really is no other opportunity to try. Why not become the richest person to ever exist, the most powerful. And if not, why not dream it or aspire for it? Because, I swear, otherwise you’re just a waste of existence. But then again, that’s just my over-analytical opinion.
Maybe this will be the last thing I’m ever saying to the world. Maybe I’ll be reflecting on this years from now and laugh. I have absolutely no idea, though.
With that being said, I had one of the best days of my life yesterday. Had an amazingly chill day at work with probably my favorite co-workers - including 2 of my friends I got hired Imani and Noah. Somala met me at my store at close because we were planning on chilling that night. After we left one of our co-workers smoked us up in this quaint ass DC back alley. He’s the biggest pot-head I’ve ever encountered in my entire life - he claims to smoke at least 4 times a day. And I wouldn’t put it past him because apparently he drops $50 every 2-3 days on Afghan Kush.
After one of the smoothest, chillest sessions of my life he dropped me and Somala off at the train station. We metro’d down to Dupont Circle and met up with one of my old co-workers and his girlfriend in his mustang. Drank a bit in his car, and whipped around to this party that was a couple blocks away. Chilled at this amazing, modern ass, 3 floor apartment for about an hour and a half and experienced one of the most amazing electronic, mixing sessions in one of the tenants room turned dance room.
Left THAT party and went to this free Vitamin Water event on 14th and F. I lost my wallet last week, so I didn’t even have my ID to prove I was 18. My friend Zach and his girlfriend went in first while me and Somala waited and they came back out and gave me their band to get in. Went inside and had one of the greatest times of my life.
The event was at this humongous warehouse with graffiti and modern art everywhere. There were like 4 different gigantic rooms with different music playing in them. Snagged drinking bands from people leaving and drank more there. And then after we spent around an hour and a half there we chilled in this parking lot/construction zone and downed Red Bull and this other fancy drank.
Whipped to ANOTHER fancy ass apartment and chilled there where another party was going on. Chilled on the roof where there was this amazing ass view of the city, mingled with cool ass people. Ass, ass, ass.
I’m blown the night’s over and I’ll only be able to reflect on it for the rest of my life, but shit was it amazing. So much good company, so much good music, so much good drank.
I can’t believe I:
Smoked my first cigarette
Successfully snuck into a Vitamin Water rave
Got shit faced and managed to get home before sun-rise
Was happy for such an extended amount of time
Am going to be experiencing this every weekend next year
I’m too happy or I’m miserable. I’m optimistic or pessimistic. I’m basking in the promising future of tomorrow or I’m dreading every moment because I want to kill myself. Half the time I can’t tell if I’m dramatic, experiencing the unfortunate repercussions of adolescence, or fucking bi-polar.
I hate people and love them at the same time and mean it all the same. It’s like I’m fucking ying and yang at the same time. Ying and yang, but bashing yang while I fucking ying. Stop reading if I’m making absolutely no sense.
I always feel so uneasy. If I have an amazing day, then tomorrow has to be terrible. It’s like I need something to counterbalance everything. Except I force myself to do it whenever things are going to well.
I exist in extremes this way, and I exist in extremes when it comes to my opinion. One day I’m banging with someone so hard, and the next moment I swear to myself I’ve always hated them. There are the times I’m overly outgoing with friends, and there are the times when I barely want to speak to my own mom. But I’m still being Damon all the same.
I wish I could effectively work through this idea. I feel like there’s some glitch in my brain keeping me from getting there. It’s like one of those things you’re never really supposed to draw attention to, but when you do you rip a whole into infinity and create a black hole (if only there was an appropriate example I could connect the feeling to, but the feeling is also one of those things you never really draw attention to).
The places my mind takes me when I decide to blog at 1:41 A.M.
Cliche? Yes. But it’s so fucking true. You want something bad, go out run over everyone in your way and take that shit. They’d do it to you if they had the balls. Nothing’s gonna wait for you. The world is impartial to everyone and if you’re looking for “breaks” then you’ll be S-O-Fucking-L.
Never see most of the people in my life right now ever again
See my cousins and uncles get married
Not live at home anymore
Be a big brother
Know how to cook
Go on dates
Go to my senior prom
I just remember being in the 1st grade and seeing HUMONGOUS 5th graders. I could never imagine myself ever being that old . For some reason my mom decided to clean out and go through old pictures today, and times have seriously CHANGED. It’s weird.
I’m years away from being an independent adult and living on my own forever. I’ll be buying my own groceries, and maintaining a real job to stay alive. 10 years ago I was a 3rd grader, and 10 years from now I’ll probably have my own family.
I’m literally at my final stage of childhood. And it makes me so anxious I almost want to throw-up.
More and more recently, I’ve been having this weird feeling. It’s like the kind of feeling you have when you wake up from a dream and you have to remind yourself everything you just “experienced” wasn’t actually real. That… Combined with the feeling of deja vu, combined with the feeling you have when something extremely surreal happens.
I can’t explain why, but whenever I sit for long enough and actually remove myself from watching everything so intently, and considering, and pondering… I remember everything around me is actually real. And it’s not all in my head. And the people around me are actually the way they are.
It’s just weird as fuck when I wake up from wherever I usually am in my head and see all these fucking crazy ass people around me. Commuting through the city and seeing all of these homeless crazy men, and weird ass fucking people on the train is freaking me out recently. I seriously don’t want to think of it as me becoming an adult, but I feel like I’m losing my innocence.
The world is ugly as fuck, and people are ugly as fuck. It’s just weird that everything I want to believe ideally isn’t where everyone else is.
I’m sitting in journalism stirring in my seat partially because no one’s here, and partially because I hate school with all my heart. All my friends that I normally hang out with are busy taking their AP Literature exams, while I’m left here clicking between Tumblr and Twitter to pass the hour and a half long period I have left to endure.
I thought my half-day schedule would help me get through the year more easily - but it almost feels like the opposite happened. Waking up, showering and getting dressed for 2 classes seems pointless most days. And even showing up on days where I know I’ll have a sub in one period and a hour to surf Youtube the next seems pointless.
Things could be a lot worse. I’m content with chilling on tumblr and fucking with Carley Pressley on Twitter instead of doing legit school work right now. Who the fuck am I fooling: fuck school. I can’t wait to fucking graduate.
Was amazing. Friday I went on a very successful double-date in downtown Silver Spring with a pair of my friends - which led into the random Beau Pineda post I made a couple of days ago. Saturday I worked and went out to dinner with my old co-workers for her birthday and then went to Ibiza for my other friends birthday. I saw Travis Porter and my friend of 7 years’s mom drunk out of her mind in the club.
Sunday I met one of my new co-workers and chilled with him and my friends Noah and Imani after work. I had a talk with him that combined with the conversation I had with Beau has my with a decently solid business idea.
I don’t want to blog it just yet. I kind of want to sit on it. Either way - my future is molding together and I feel like I need to get with it. Start making plans for myself now so that everything I want once I’m 50 can be started now so I can actually make it there.
Oh, and then Monday I visited my future college in NY. I can even describe how excited I am to go there. It seems almost more than perfect for me.