All of my friends are about two micro-ounces away from cracking. Everyone’s on edge. Everyone’s behaving way too snappy. People are braking down.
SATs are coming up. APs are starting next week. Junior year, aka the most important year of grade school, is coming to a end. I just think everyone’s exhausted. Things always have to get worse before they get better.
I think this upcoming summer will be the most deserving of any break I’ve ever had in my life.
Why the hell am I so damn awkward. It was all a joke, and I thought it was all an overstatement until about a month ago. I was with my friend Tyler in Chinatown and we ran into Gillian and her posse of friends hanging out down there for her birthday. I saw one of Gillian’s friends, Valerie, and chatted with her for a little while. It’s not like this was the first time I’ve ever seen her. I’ve hung out with her a few times, I’ve been to a party she’s been at, I’ve texted her before. And I swore the conversation was great! I can remember thinking that I did a great job at not being weird/awkward. Until a week later that moment comes up in conversation with Somala and Somala says, “Yeah, Valerie was saying how terriblely awkward that situation was… That’s why she didn’t say bye”
Like, why? I’m out-going. I’m talkative. I greatly enjoy conversations. But somehow I find a way to say something like, “Thank you a lot” to my boss after I finish a phonecall. Or I say, “Oh, sorry… I sweat a lot… I apologize for my slimey hands” when shaking a stranger’s hand. Or not looking people in the eye nor responding appropriately when I speak to them. And it’s only at random times, with random people. I blame my friends. I feel like I’ve grown so open with them, with so many of them, for SO long that I’m used to saying weird shit and them being okay with it.
Unless I have a really close friend near-by when I’m speaking with someone I’m not to familiar with, I’m so strange. I think this is why my friends don’t understand how awkward I am. WTF am I abouta do when I go to college? Everybody’s abouta think I’m psycho.
I was just challenged by Jimmy Boyle on Facebook to a Fresh Battle
He informed me that for this to ensue, I would have to put on my best and that we would meet up at an agreed location and stand in front of each other (I’m assuming), and have an elected fashion-savvy, hipster board judge us. From this point (he’s assuming), they would elect him the winner of this battle and then I, subsequently, would walk away in shame.
I made this a note on Facebook January last year. Much hasn’t changed:
1. I live to make people laugh, it gets taken pretty far
2. So much thought goes into everything I do
3. Yet I always do things without thinking it through
4. I do some pretty ridiculous things to my friends out of anger Ex.: Pushing/Fighting with/Hating Connor over Kemi/Isak/Kira/Lea, ending my friendship with Tara in the 7th grade, talking mad shit about Simone ‘cause she carried me, sending Kemi crazy-threatening text messages, the way me & Isak broke up. (The list goes on)
5. I’m a fucking snake
6. I make this annoying face when you accuse me of something
7. I talk shit/gossip like a friggin’ girl. I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut
8. Ghetto girls are sexy as shit. (Opposite of Femi/Jesse/Nigel) FUCK “WHITE OR LIGHT”
9. My overzealous-girlish tendancies are derived from my terrible Elementary School experiences
10. I aspire to reach “Indie-Hipster Freshness”
11. People interest me
12. I’m a typical “Black Kid,” Soul Food is nothing special because I eat it everyday, I go to church every Sunday, my grandma is probably younger than your mom, Barrack is my manz, & ‘Unforgivable’ would be funnier if my whole family wasn’t already like that
13. I’m not a typical “Black Kid,” I’m the only Afro-American on this planet that sucks at basketball, I like to befriend people even if you’re not Black, & you can tell I’m from MoCo when you hear my voice
14. I play Super Smash Bros. Brawl religiously, so if you want to see me bring your remote and a box of tissues. I will gloat
15. I’m a fucking snake
16. Big booties make the world go ‘round
17. When I eat.. I’m sick
18. My comeback for everything is, “YOU CAN SUCK THIS DICK!”
19. I hate people who don’t give Barrack fucking credit. Get of the Anti-I’m Proud of the first Black President Associations jock. He’s done extremely ground breaking things, he’s a genuinely nice & amazing guy, & just because ignorant Black people say they love him without knowing his history & foreign policy objectives.. You can still respect & appreciate what he’s done & what he wants to do for this country
20. Raising up the ‘V’ fingers and flickering your tongue through it is funny as shit
21. I get pressed easily
22. I’m selfish/stubborn/unnecessary/a jerk & insensitive but somehow my friends still appreciate me
23. I hate people who are like me. Say hello to my best-friend, Connor.
24. 92% of my laughs are polite, “I don’t want an awkward moment because your joke wasn’t funny” laughs. The other 8% of my laughs probably come from Isak Shah.
Don’t you know when life presents you with awesome opportunities and you psyche yourself out and tell yourself that it can’t happen to you. Like, “Why me?”. You tell yourself you probably won’t get it, because it’ll be easier to get over it when it doesn’t come through. THAT’S HOW I FELT. I was content with the fact that I got an interview. That was enough for me. But working there?! My fucking first job?! When I got the call I was sweating, my heart was palpitating out of control, and I was stuttering my ass off.
I’m in disbelief. I feel the most surreal I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve been pacing back and forth, trying to breathe slowly for the last 30 mins.
The manager said she wants me to come in today to fill out paper work and learn the ropes. I can’t believe it: I’m a working young man.
I didn’t blog yesterday because I was out, so I’ll start with that:
Wednesday, April 21, 2010 My life’s been hectic as shit. I rarely have settled lunches where I can go to the cafeteria and just sit. Same with the mornings. I’m always in the Journalism lab in the morning printing and getting a little bit of work done or something. It’s sort of nice to feel busy. Makes me appreciate the down time. After school Somala, Assoumou and I drove down to Downtown Silver Spring to see the visual album thing I’ve been bloggin’ about a lot, Oddsac, at the AFI Theatre. So we’re walking up to the theatre and lo-and-behold: Rian Henry. Of course. After a 10 minute greeting of disbelief, Zoe Ligon pops out of nowhere and starts talking to us. Then after that 5 minute greeting was over, Nathan Tucker walks through the door. No-fucking-surprise. Somala and I couldn’t help but comment on the atmosphere. A fucking plethora of indie hipsters. I was dying so much on the inside. They seemed like cool kids, though.
The movie—I can’t describe. It was just an experience. At one point I was so immersed in the movie that I stopped breathing. I realized I stopped breathing. But I couldn’t make myself start again. I was shaking at some parts as an intense, ass spectrum of every single color of ever single geometric formation possible was vomited into my face, only heightened by the trippy soundtrack that went along with it. I’m really happy there was a Q&A with two of the band members and the director afterwards, because I didn’t know how to feel afterwards. It was something veeerry different. And different was good. Rian told me about this internship they have at the AFI theatre over the summer that he did last year, and it sounds really cool. A chill time with cool people and free movies. I think I wanna get in to that and make more trips to the AFI. It’s a beautiful place I don’t take advantage of nearly enough.
Today Nothing special today, other than after school. I stayed after and finally did my presentation for the Earth Day Expo on Energy Conservation. That was a VERY fun time. Gillian and Somala stayed after too. Somala had her own presentation, and Gillian helped me present mine since Sonia had to work tonight. I finally feel active in school. Like I’m finally a part of it. It feels great. It just makes me want to do more.
Today is April Fourth Two-Thousand Ten. And I’m at school. It sounds really a-matter-of-fact, but I really shouldn’t be here. I should be a typical teenager and be at someone’s house getting in to no good. I should’ve got here and dipped with someone in their car. I should’ve got baked before school or something
I’m at school. In fourth period—regardless of the previous opportunities I’ve had to do something I shouldn’t be doing. As a matter of fact, Eddie asked if I wanted to skip fourth and come back at the end of lunch. I was so close to leaving. So close. I should’ve, but I didn’t. Ohhhh welll. But now I’m here with Sonez (http://sonezie.tumblr.com), and we just finally completed our first article—so I guess it was partially worth it.
how do you make that collage thing, for lookbook?
like how do you put them together?
Photoshop. I crop the pictures to the sizes I want them I place them on a new canvas. I place rulers on the program to measure and make sure everything’s balanced. And I resize them so they make a rectangular ratio like a normal picture.
(Or you could use picasa and use the collage thing they have. You have a lot less control, though. Try playing with it if you don’t have Photoshop)
I came up with the most brilliant theory about Young Money and why it will be a success, and why only Nicki Minaj will be remembered out of all of them.
Okay. Take it back: First there was Diddy. From Diddy came Biggie (Biggie respects Diddy even though he’s a joke to the world). From Biggie came Junior Mafia. From Junior Mafia came one of the world’s most notorious female rappers: Lil Kim.
First there was Baby. From Baby came Lil Wayne (Wayne respects Baby even though he’s a joke to the world). From Wayne came Young Money. From Young Money will come the worlds newest, big time female rapper: Nicki Minaj.
Don’t you see the parralels? Everyone says Biggie’s the best who’s ever done it. Everyone says Wayne’s the best who’s ever done it. Both Nicki and Kim are overly sexual, known for being over the top and vulgar and all "Yeah I gotta’ pussy, but I do what the fuck I want and I’m bad" type of thing.
"I don’t fuck with pigs like assama-lamma-lay-kum, I put ‘em in the field and let ‘em Oscar Mayor bake ‘em"
I don’t know what it is. I used to think she was sloppy as shit. Now I think she’s one of the baddest women in the world. Her voice. Her swag. She’s so fuckin’ badd. I just wanna tend to her. Feed her grapes and shit. Be mine, Nikki.
This was possibly one of the best weekends I’ve had in years. Friday—I was with Isak right afterschool. Spent time at her house, chilled, took pics for Lookbook, watched Borat, and had the best time of my life at Darlene’s house playing Tekken.
Saturday—Connor picked me and Somala up and we whipped all the way down to Georgetown. I got some AWESOME shoes and this fly ass button up from Urban which, alone, could’ve made this weekend awesome. But afterwards we went to American Apparel because Somala’s been sycin’ how amazing that one is, and we walked around and stuff, and got the talking to this awesome ass girl Amanda and she told us about this open call thing they were having there for jobs. SOO SYCED.
Sunday—Woke up bright and fuckin’ early. All three of us, again, whipped around—but only this time Somala was whippen (congrats on your new license). We stopped by Starbucks in Hillandale and had breakfast then went to the thrift store. I got a lot of cool stuff which boosted me even more into Weekend Euphoria. Then we whipped down to Georgetown for the open call. LEMME TELL YOU: it was the most intense situation I’ve ever been in, in my life. They put about 20 of us into this small hallway that was hidden on the second floor way in the back. Then one by one they called us up this epic flight of stairs. I swore I was abouta faint/throw-up/hyperventilate every 20 mins, no exaggeration. Interview went awesome for all three of us—they’re supposedly hiring in a shit load of places so I think our chances are preeettttyy good since that awesome ass girl, Amanda, put us on. Took some more Lookbook pictures in Georgetown then stopped at this cool little spot on Georgia Ave and had the world’s BEST jerk chicken at Sweet Mango. And then Somala dropped me home!
This weekend was awesome because it was the chillest times with 3 of my best friends where I could just be. Nobody being all dramatic and pissy. Nobody being all moody and touchy. Nobody pulling the mood down. Nobody you couldn’t be honest with. NO disingenuity. Sheesh I loved it. …And we saw Clinton Portis?
The one person who legit stays hip to my blog all the time—but not even just my main on. She stays hip to all three of them. All three. And I should be glad, but I kind of wish she never read it. Now I don’t want anybody who doesn’t really know me that well to read my blog—or atleast http://damon-rantz.tumblr.com. A lot of the stuff I post about being manipulative and disingenuous with people makes Catherine think that everything about our relationship is superficial. Which really blows me, ‘cause she’s my mans.
What a double-edged sword: getting stuff off my chest, but now it’s all out there for everyone to see.
I just went out to take the trash, and I felt nervous the whole way there because the sky looked like it was on the verge of bursting. It felt like watching something that’s SO close to going wrong. It looks like the clouds are like 3 molecules of water from completely popping open and it pouring down raining for the next 3 hours. The monochromatic grey that stretches across the sky is kind of relaxing. Freaks me out everytime it looks like that. Most people hate gloomy, rainy wheater—but I think it’s better than the sun.
Now generation—active young voters, politically aware kids, kids going out trying to save the environment and doing a lot of community service
Technological boom—iPods, internet, everyone’s connected, phones that do everything
Eclectic style generation—We’ve gone from baggy, grungy everything in the early 2000’s, to punk-vans everything in the mid 2000’s, along with preppy, all American, Hollister stuff at the same time, to 80’s-colorful like 2 years ago, and now simple, modern, 70’s hippie shit.
Universal toleration of everything generation—You can’t be made fun of for being fat, for being transgender, for being with a midget… ANYTHING. Soical tolerance for all ways of life
Super connected generation—If I wanted to speak to any of my friends this instant, I could. If I wanted to know who the Prime Minister of G.B. was 45 years ago, I could find out. If I wanted to see that girl’s 8th default picture, I could check with my iTouch. Everything is accesible. Nothing is out of reach
Our generation is a great one. There were lame lifes, and nobodies during every generation—the kids who weren’t a part of it. WE gotta’ make the most of our lives; WE gotta’ be a part of, and make our generation. WE can’t just sit by and complain about how bad it is. We’ll appreciate it when we’re 40 and we’re talking shit about the next generation.
I woke up this morning and I was 100% sure that today was not Monday. I can’t explain it. I don’t know why. All I know is that in my mind today was surely a Wednesday—a Wednesday that felt like a Thursday. It was weird.
I had a really nice day. Only down side was that I had 9 walnuts and a bite of Anna Hinden’s special K bar. I’m starvin’ like Marvin right now. Something about my demeanor today—for some reason—reminded of a recovering addict. I can’t explain it, just how I can’t explain why I thought it was a Monday. Just something I thought I’d share. I’ve been feeling really slacker-ish yet productive recently. I haven’t been doing certain homework assignments, but I’ve been on top of my shit at the same time. I got my 38432 page application done for Journalism, and I finished my whole signature proccess thing to apply to run for Class Council Vice-President for next year. Lucas texted me today, and I think we’re running for Co-Vice-Presidents together. That’ll be awesome. Oh! And I got assigned an article to do for my school’s newspaper. It’s a review on Erykah Badu’s album. I’m syced as shit because I’m only in Journalism l. Woot-woot.
AND! I finished editing some of my pictures to get my Lookbook started. I finished 3 of the 4 looks (I’ll have to finish the fourth one tomorrow), and I’m posting them right now. I’ll post them to Tumblr after I get them on there first. I’m really proud of them